My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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