I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
