just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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