Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
