yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
