At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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