i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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