conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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