Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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