I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
