I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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