Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
