So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
