There was a lot of him and a little penis
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
