in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
