i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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