Banned from zoo.
Again?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
