And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
