I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
