I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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