anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
