I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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