you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
