I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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