Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
