You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
