He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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