is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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