AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
