Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
