I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
