put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
