ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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