cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Come on in and take your pants off
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