After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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