dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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