Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
