May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
