I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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