I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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