If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
