he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
