That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
