There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
