Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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