Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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