Nicole vs. Life
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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