Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's shark week go big or go home
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
