she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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