Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
