That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
send nudes
from the living room?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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