this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
