8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
