i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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