Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
