At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
