I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
