I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
