Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
