so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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