woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Boobs speak an international language.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
