She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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